I’ve been told that I’m cold, felt better off alone.

I hold on to things a bit too long.

My hands were tied before I even tried;

I still don’t know what I’m trying to find

I fought myself time and time again.

I lost so many times I can’t remember all of them.

I went toe to toe, even though I know

that there’s just some fights you’ll never win.

I swore that I’d change, never be the same.

I still do the same things everyday.

I couldn’t drop the spade even as it dug my grave,

I let it bury me.

A man can find a sin in every small thing.

I’ve had so many I can’t remember all of them.

I went toe to toe, even though I know

that there’s just some fights you’ll never win.

I see it in the faces of all the broken men

watching from the ringside with their pad and pen.

The ones who spent their lives with their backs agains the ropes,

who never took a fighter’s chance, never saw how far

they can go.

It’s not about the ending that matters in the end,

so come to grips and turn your failures into friends.

Go toe to toe, even when you know

that there’s just some fights you’ll never win.

I couldn’t close my eyes,

so I’m driving down these backroads trying to ease my racing mind.

It’s another moonless night. The only color showing

is when the heat lightning strikes.

It ain’t rained in weeks.

I’m suffocating in this heat

like a lighting bug trapped inside a bottle.

Drunk on memories and throttle.

The window’s down but I can’t feel a thing.

Steering wheel reminds me where there used to be a ring.

Using miles like lovers with their rhythmic hum;

keeping time with each and every passing one.

Lately I ain’t been sleeping right.

Been down this road at least a thousand times,

and you won’t change your mind.

It’s another hard earned lesson in my way.

Another chance that’s blown up in my face

something awful.

Drunk on memories and throttle.

Still I ain’t been sleeping right.

This road’s the same each and every time,

but you still won’t change your mind.

There’s not a cloud as far as I can see.

I’m suffocating in this heat

like a lighting bug trapped inside a bottle.

Truly something awful.

It’s plain as gospel,

drunk on memories and throttle.

A wild heart and tattooed skin,

she’s not around even when she is.

On the verge of leaving her when she cries to me.

Burdened by the tears that flow

like wine for the sorrowful; beauty dulls the sense that knows.

On the verge of letting go, but she’s tied to me.

There’s all this blood on my hands,

and there’s no ground where I stand.

I’m damned if I stick around, damned if I bail.

Loving her is like holding a wolf by the tail.

Turn around and face your ghost,

the one that follows you the most.

Starving for the arms that hold is famine like you’ve never know;

the hunger in my bones despises me.

There’s all this blood on my hands,

and there’s no ground where I stand.

I’m damned if I stick around, damned if I bail.

Loving her is like holding a wolf by the tail.

I can’t let her go.

I can’t hold her no more.

With all this blood on my hands,

and no ground where I stand.

I’m damned if I stick around, damned if I bail.

Loving her is like all this blood on my hands.

Damned if I stick around, damned if I bail.

Loving her is like holding a wolf by the tail.

Tell me where it says a man must pledge

allegiance with no questions asked,

or be labeled a traitor by a man

with a rebel flag stitched on his hat.

The chorus cries out, they scream and they shout,

”what right have you got to grieve?

You made your millions playing a game,

if you’re so unhappy then leave.”

And outside the walls where the wild things are,

where no one could ever survive.

And outside the walls where the wild things are,

they drink and they dine and they dance in the fire,

happy they’re on the outside.

The knife that they dig so deep in your skin

is applied with a generous twist.

They remove it an inch, they laugh and they grin,

and say, “look how much better this.”

”You should be grateful, you should be proud.”

That’s only halfway true.

They’ll make you a devil the second you ask

for the freedom that they promised you

And outside the walls where the wild things are,

where no one could ever survive.

And outside the walls where the wild things are,

they drink and they dine and they dance in the fire,

happy they’re on…

We’ve been waging a war since the day I was born,

and that’s quite a long time ago.

So it comes as no shock that we can’t put a stop

to the fighting within our own home.

And the violence that lives

in the ground that we give our lives to call it our own,

runs down through the trees, in the roots it seeps

into everyone that we know.

And outside the walls where the wild things are,

where no one could ever survive.

And outside the walls where the wild things are,

they drink and they dine and they dance in the fire,

happy they’re on the outside.

They drink and they dine and they laugh all the while,

happy they’re on the outside.

I watched them put my father in a cop car;

slurred speech dragged across the front yard.

As time went by I wondered if he’d call me

to say hello, or maybe just I’m sorry.

15 years had passed before I saw him

in a dim lit bar just outside of Austin.

There I found the strength I need to not point the blame,

because in his shoes I’d probably do the same.

We don’t choose our families or the place that we are born.

We don’t choose the problems that keep our families torn.

We all try to make it work with the little bit we have,

and try to do the best that we can.

Well a man must feel he has nothing left to offer

to never try and make amends.

Was it your father’s quiet leaving?

Or the madness in your mother’s head?

There I found the sight I need to see it from his view;

that he was only doing what he knew.

We don’t choose our families or the place that we are born.

We don’t choose the problems that keep our families torn.

We all try to make it work with the little bit we have,

and try to do the best that we can.

The best that we can.

The best that we can.

The best that we can.

I swore to God I never would get caught up in all this,

but I’m more like him than I care to admit.

We don’t choose our families or the place that we are born.

We don’t choose the problems that keep our families torn.

We all try to make it work with the little bit we have.

We try to do the best, we try to do the best,

we try to do our best.

We try to do the best that we can.

I quit this goddamned job, I’ll leave it where it be.

Take me to that river, St. Lawrence calling me.

I’ll work these frozen waters ‘til my hands are cracked and dry.

The wind tears through your spine so cold, you’ll wish you weren’t alive.

I’m the Riverman.

You haven’t seen a winter like the one in 98.

I lost some men under the ice waiting on the sun to break.

The rain came down in sheets, it fell at least a week.

Tore up everything I built, now I have to leave.

I’m the Riverman

And I make my way out west with the river at back.

There I’ll start from scratch, there I’ll start from scratch.

In the Arizona sun with my mustangs and my gun.

Like the river I will run;

I’m the Riverman.

Lost a dozen cattle about half a mile from here.

The well went dry last summer, ain’t seen rain in near a year.

Working in the fields, hoping for the yield.

How that saying go? You lose everything you hold dear.

I’m the Riverman.

Take me where I know it’s 25 below.

That’s where I call my home, that’s where I call my home.

Take me where you find the channels deep and wide;

I’m the Riverman.

Your eyes fog like the smokies whenever you hear her name.

You turn as grey as a cold winter’s day, and try to act okay.

You don’t want to burn in your skin,

but you’re swallowing your pain like it’s medicine.

Trust me brother, I know where you’ve been;

I’ve stood in that spot.

Don’t go raging through the valleys.

Don’t go burning all the cities to the ground.

Don’t turn your back on everything that you love

just because she wasn’t.

Another night another tired vignette.

Three sheets to the wind, smelling like cigarettes.

Tell your friend you’e got it under control.

You know damn well that you don’t.

Don’t go raging through the valleys.

Don’t go burning all the cities to the ground.

Don’t turn your back on everything that you love

just because she wasn’t.

You don’t want to go with those women just to get your mind off of it.

You’ll find no peace.

Don’t go raging through the valleys.

Don’t go burning all the cities to the ground.

Don’t turn your back on everything that you love.

Don’t turn your back on the morning sun.

Don’t turn your back just because

she wasn’t.

All Songs Written and Performed by Michael Paul Lawson

Produced, Engineered, and Mixed by Daniel Mendez

Recorded at Matchbox Studio, Austin, TX and Modern Electric Sound Recordings, Dallas, TX

Mastered by Ed Brooks at Resonant Mastering

Additional Engineering - Jay Stewart

Studio Assistant - Logan Garza

Drums - Cooper Heffley

Bass - Michael Tarabay

Organ, Piano, Electric Guitar - Beau Bedford

Vocals & Acoustic Guitar - Michael Paul Lawson

Album artwork - Christian Ardner

All songs written by Michael Paul Lawson, Head Above Water BMI

For licensing, please email: info@headabovewatersongs.com

© 2019 Michael Paul Lawson

℗ 2019 Head Above Water